Where the hell have I been - Part 2

After the phone call from the doc's nurse, we went to North Central Baptist, they couldn't help me, they took me by ambulance to Christus Santa Rosa.  I stayed there about 10 to 15 days. They put a drain in my gallbladder which drained into a bag that was stitched to the to  the stint inside of me.  My mom told me 7 stones came out and the rest was green fluid.

With liver issues, your skin turns green and your eyes (more yellow), urine and BM all green.  It is difficult to see it on yourself because you see yourself every day in the mirror.  Before turning green, doctors and nurses would tell me I look gray. Couldn't tell that either.

Christus felt they couldn't do any more for me.  So they  sent me by ambulance to University for the further care and got me stabilized.  I spent about two weeks - got out on November 27th.

The liver doc is currently working on getting together a list of tests that the University of Miami Liver Institute requires for new patients.   My doc wants me to go there as he used to work there and it is top-notch. It will be  a pain to move to Miami - but worth it if it all works out.

Unfortunately, I had to go back to the hospital.  My mom and I left at 3:40 in the and went to the
hospital.      
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              
More later -

Where the hell have I been - part 1

Hi All

It has been so long since I blogged!  I am going to have to break it into parts because it kills me to sit  - I don't have a laptop - I have an all in one computer.

So starting around mid October, I started falling a lot.  Luckily, I didn't break anything - just had massive bruises everywhere.  However my head hit the floor hard.  I went for a PET scan and all was well.  However, my mind was a jumble.  For instance, I tried to write a check 15 times before I got it right.  I would make doctor appointment, hang up the phone and then promptly forget what was arranged. 

Mom moved in with me towards the of October once she realized I was getting sick.  We would have conversations and I would have to stop and often say that my brain wasn't working right.  I got a call from the doc's nurse saying go to the ER.  Mom said I gave her the stuff I wanted to take. Don't remember that.

This blog is co-remembered by my mom as I don't remember any of this.

More parts to come -

Guest post: Cervical Cancer and Radiation: How They Affect the Body

Cervical Cancer and Radiation: How They Affect the Body

By Leslie Vandever


What is Cervical Cancer?

Cervical cancer is a type of cancer that occur in the cells lining the cervix, the lower part of the
womb (uterus). It connects to the vagina, or birth canal.
There are several risk factors for cervical cancer, including genetics, smoking, a weakened
immune system, many sexual partners, early sexual activity, and some sexually transmitted
diseases (STIs), such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, or HIV/AIDS.
But the most dangerous risk factor is the human papilloma virus (HPV), which is actually a
large group of common viruses, many which cause warts. Transmitted by skin-to-skin contact or
sexual activity, HPV usually has no symptoms. Having it along with other risk factors can make
cervical cancer more likely. Most women who get HPV clear it naturally from their systems
without a problem, and without developing cervical cancer.
The best way to avoid cervical cancer is to have regular gynecological checkups, including PAP
smears to detect cellular changes early, when successful treatment is more likely. In addition,
both women and men should have the HPV vaccine, which greatly reduces the chance for
infection.

How is Cervical Cancer Treated?

How cervical cancer is treated depends on the stage the cancer has reached and any other health
problems you might have. They include:
• hysterectomy
• radiation therapy
• chemotherapy
Hysterectomy, or the removal of the uterus, cervix, and cancer cells, is the main treatment
for the early stages of cervical cancer. If the cancer has invaded to a depth of more than 3
millimeters, doctors perform a radical hysterectomy, which includes the removal of the cervix,
uterus, part of the vagina, and lymph nodes in the area. Hysterectomies often cure cervical cancer
and prevent its recurrence.

Radiation therapy focuses radioactivity near the cervical cancer cells to destroy them using
an external beam, or internally using with objects filled with radioactive material. Doctors may
combine external and internal radiation, use it before or after surgery, or both.

Chemotherapy involves the use of powerful chemical drugs to destroy cervical cancer cells.
Used alone or in combination with radiation therapy, chemotherapy drugs are injected into a vein
and travels throughout the body, destroying fast-growing cells.
Effects of Radiation Therapy on the Body

While it destroys cervical cancer cells, radiation therapy can also have unpleasant side effects.
Usually, they go away not long after therapy ends, but sometimes they’re permanent. They
include:
Diarrhea—soft, loose, or watery stools—may occur during radiation therapy. Radiation harms
cancer cells, but it also harms healthy cells in the pelvis and abdomen, including those in the
large and small bowels.

Nausea and vomiting occur for the same reason as diarrhea during radiation therapy. It may be
mild or harsh depending on how much radiation, how much of your body is within the radiated
area, and whether you’re receiving chemotherapy as well.
Fatigue—feeling mildly to extremely tired—is a common side-effect of radiation therapy. There
are several factors involved, including anemia, anxiety, stress, depression, infection, your age,
level of health and activity, and how you felt before radiation started. It can last from six to 12
weeks after radiation has ended.

Sexual and fertility changes can result from radiation therapy. It can change hormone
production and levels that affect sexual desire, cause pain or discomfort during sex, vaginal
dryness, burning, or itching; vaginal stenosis; and symptoms of menopause. Radiation can also
affect a woman’s ability to become pregnant during or after therapy.

Urinary and bladder changes may result from radiation therapy as well. It may affect the
healthy cells of the bladder, causing burning or pain during or after urination, frequent, urgent
need to urinate; incontinence; cystitis; and other symptoms.
Skin changes and hair loss may occur in the radiated area; it causes skin to break down and die.
Your skin may become red and swollen; itch intensely; become dry and peel; or form sores or
ulcers.

For more information about cancer or other health-related issues, click here.
Leslie Vandever is a professional journalist and freelance writer with more than 25 years of
experience. She lives in Northern California.

References:
• Cervical Cancer. (2013, June 28) Mayo Clinic. Retrieved on October 15, 2014 from http://
c
• Cervical Cancer. (2013, October 30) National Institutes of Health. Retrieved on October 15,
2014 from http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000893.htm
• Cervical Cancer. (n.d.) American Cancer Society. Retrieved on October 15, 2014 from http://
www.cancer.org/cancer/%20cervicalcancer/index
• Radiation Therapy to the Pelvis. (2014, May 2) American Cancer Society. Retrieved
on October 15, 2014 from http://www.cancer.org/treatment/treatmentsandsideeffects/
treatment types/radiation/understandingradiationtherapyaguideforpatientsandfamilies/
understanding-radiation-therapy-radiation-to-pelvis
• What You Need to Know About Cervical Cancer. (2012, March 29) National Cancer
Institute. Retrieved on October 15, 2014 from http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/wyntk/
cervix/page6
• Side Effects of Pelvic Radiography in Woman. (2013, March 1) McMillan Cancer Support.
Retrieved on October 15, 2014 from http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Cancerinformation/
Cancertreatment/Treatmenttypes/Radiotherapy/Sideeffects/Pelvicsideeffects_women.aspx
• Radiation Side Effects and Ways to Manage Them. (2007, April 20) National Cancer
Institute. Retrieved on October 15, 2014 from http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/coping/
radiation-therapy-and-you/page8

'Thanks to Leslie for a great post and bring more awareness to cervical cancer and the devastating effects.

More later -

Last week started BAD and ended Good

What Fatigue does to me:  On Monday, I took the triplets and a friend school supply shopping and to eat.  That took 4 hours and I was worn out.  I had planned on one more stop but couldn't make it.  Tuesday morning, Mom, the triplets and the friend went up to their new school to get schedules, gym clothes etc. 

I feel asleep Tuesday afternoon.  Came to a couple of times but did not do some very important things.  I had to get up Wed. morning for my dressing change for my mediport.  I was too tired to do anything but go back to sleep.  I missed my feed bag, fluids and morphine.  Morphine slows down the diarrhea but does not completely stop it and anti-diarrhals do zip, nada.  My kids did not try to wake me or call my Mom.  Gotta teach them that. 

I tried to get out of bed Thursday morning.  I knew the diarrhea was coming but could get there in time.  Major blowout.  I called my mom.  She came over to help me clean up and to hook me up to my feedbag.  I had another major blowout while she was here.  I felt like I had been run over by a Mac Truck.

By Thursday evening, I was feeling better after getting my feedbag and other fluids in me.  But it took till Friday to come alive.  I HATE  when the fatigue is so bad that it keeps me from taking care of myself and family.  I did make it to a lunch date with two of my best friends.  I had some soup broth and iced tea - made me queasy.  I lasted as long as I could but knew when to wave the white flag.

I hate being sick.  I know my limits and try to only do one thing a week.  If I do more it wipes me out.

More later -

Summertime catch-up

Hope all of you are having a good summer!

Let's see - for me: 

The Social Security Admin almost gave me a heart attack.  When you are receiving benefits, you get reviewed either each year, every three years or every 7 years.  I am on the 3 year cycle.  I have no issue being reviewed and think it is a critical step in the process.  For me, I can give you a plethora of reasons why I am not able to work much less set up a lunch date (I don't eat much and it is usually soup - because food goes right through me) or I am so fatigued I can barely move.  So at first, I was denied!  Went into panic mode.  Then I was approved.  What cracks me up is that they say it takes 3 to 4 months to complete the review - however, they don't send you the paperwork to start the review until 2 months out.  Do the math people!

The kids, one of Sarah's friends and my mom went to my families' ranch a couple of weeks ago.  I made sure the kids and myself were packed and loaded up my vehicle.  Mom came here and put her things in my car and we were off.  Didn't realize I left my clothes here.  I slept most the ride there.  Once we got to our rooms at Fort Clark Springs, I went to bed and the girls and I slept until after 4!  Not sure what time the girls went to bed.  That is what the packing did to me - wiped me out.  I have learned to not go to more than one appointment a day.  I just can't do it.

Not sure if I posted this already but here goes:  had a PET scan from skull to mid-thigh.  No cancer - thank you God.  It is just all the cancer side effects that kick my tush.

Kids left yesterday with their dad for a week.  They are flying to PA today.  They will have so much fun and I get a quiet week.

More later -

A little of this; a little of that

It has been way too long since my last post.  But, I have a pretty good excuse: I have been severely depressed.  Having supplemental Medicare insurance doesn't make it easy to find someone to help with your brain.  So I've been in a constant state of funk until recently.  Thank God my mom has been around to help.

Went for a PET scan this previous Friday.  Just did the scan to make sure nothing new has cropped up.  Keep your fingers crossed.

Kids are out of school on Thursday starting at noon.  Summer already!  So not ready for it :(

Have a fun Summer!

More later -

April 1st was hard

I needed to get a new medi-port and have the old one taken out.  For those who may not know what a medi-port is:  it is like a disk with a soft middle and has a cath line that goes thru a vein up your neck and down to the middle of your chest.  The disk is put underneath your skin on your chest.  It is used for my feed bags and blood draws.

I had to get a new one because my old one wouldn't allow blood to be drawn out but would allow fluids to go in.  I was supposed to be in a twilight state - didn't happen.  I felt all the local anesthesia shots, cuts and cath line being threaded thru my vein.  Glad to have a new one but it was hell.

Learned a couple of new things:  when you see the draping around where they are going to do surgery - it is sticky so it adheres to your skin and if you have ever had an operation or procedure, you know how cold an operating room is - they have a heater (first time I knew about these) that they can put at your feet to help keep you warm.  I'd rather not know these things but I thought they were interesting tidbits.

Towards the end of the procedure, I was sweating bullets from the pain and the heater.  I had them turn the heater off and take off the 5 blankets they had on me.  I was still sweating bullets.

The meds must have kicked in as I woke up in recovery - freezing cold and sleepy.  Mom asked me if I wanted to sleep some more but it was getting late and needed to get home for the kids.  I had to negotiate with the radiologist as she wanted me to stay flat for 3 hours!  I told her I could do that at home.     

Happy to have a new port that they can get blood out of instead of sticking me 3-6 times to get a vein that works.

More later -

In hiding

Being crazy isn't easy.  I have mentioned before that I have been diagnosed as bipolar.  I have been rapid cycling which means going from manic to depressed and back and forth.  When you crash from mania to depression, it is a hard landing. 

When I went on medicare and got supplemental insurance, I have had a difficult time finding a doctor and really didn't try that hard.  I had plenty of my mood stabilizers but had run out of my antidepressant made specifically for bipolar people.  I had an appointment today - I did not make it.  I had crashed Tuesday night and stayed crashed until this morning.

Not good.  I missed my feed bag and missed my morphine.  Missing both has bad consequences.  I felt like a fragile fall leaf.  You get immediate morphine withdrawals - not fun.  Missing the feed bag makes you feel like you are completely depleted.  I almost feel 3 times.  Had to cancel 2 appointments - which stinks as one was for a psychiatrist.  I desperately need  antidepressants.

I feel like Alice who dropped down the rabbit hole.  I know I will get to the doc eventually.  Can't wait for that.  So if you wonder where I have been - been in hiding - extremely depressed.  It is getting better but the meds would be so much better.

I have been sick a lot lately - something is amiss.  I am seeing the oncologist at the end of March.  It is time for a body scan.  Curious and scared at the same time.

My mom came over to take me to the doc but I could barely move.  So lucky to have her here to help.

More later -

Happy New Year 2014

Happy New Year to those who love me, my friends and my readers (who probably are in one of the first two categories!)  Thank you for the love, support and prayers - couldn't of made it through the rough times and shared the good times in 2014.

I won't miss 2013 for obvious reasons.  The never ending run from cancer.  That's it.

I hope of each of you find what you are seeking - peace, love, health - whatever it may be I wish you every success.

For me no resolutions.  Just a hope and a dream to stop running from the ugly, stupid cancer.  I have already accepted the horrible consequences of the aftermath of the treatments.  Just don't want to play hide-n-seek with cancer anymore.

More later -

Holidays 2013

Another year almost gone.  Hard to believe.  What a year it has been.  My kiddos have been in PA with their father for Christmas and are due home late tomorrow.  This has been my longest break from them in the last two years.  I miss them and can't wait to see them late tomorrow night when they arrive home.  They are having a blast and that is the most important thing.

On Christmas Eve, I had another laser procedure.  I feel as if I am always on the run from cancer.  CANCER sucks.  It drains me.  The fatigue from the radiation has limited me to being two things/errands on any given day.  It wipes me out.

So early Christmas Eve morning, mom and I set out for the hospital (again).  I had my girl parts lasered.  Not the best way  to spend Christmas Eve.  But Mom was with me and the kids are away.  So it all worked out.  I hurt - I always hurt somewhere.

I was going to sleep one night after the procedure thinking what would happen if I just stopped these procedures?  Would the cancer come back?  I am so sick of them.  Later I received a text from my  11 year old daughter saying she was so glad I was alive and that she wouldn't know what she would do if I wasn't here.  That stopped my questions of continuing the procedures.  I really already knew the answers - there really isn't a choice.  Just keep fighting it.

I hope each of you had a Wonderful Christmas and all the best in the new year!

More later -

Thanksgiving

I hope each of you were able to spend the Thanksgiving Holiday with those that you love.  I know there will be many that will not be able to do so - it is so sad.

As I wrote about earlier, I had a pap smear that came back bad.  He wanted to do biopsies.  Which I did so on Oct. 18th.  The biopsies showed moderate  display which in my world is great.  But, there is always a but, he still wants to do a laser procedure.  It will hurt like heck   The procedure is scheduled for Dec 24th.  Which works because the kids will be in PA.

Happy Holidays to each of you -

Life etc.

We laid my stepfather to rest on 11/4/13.  It was a beautiful gathering to say our goodbyes for now.  Since he was a Lt. Colonel, he had a beautiful caisson to bring in his casket.  The casket was covered in the United States Flag.

This was followed by the 21 gun salute, the playing of Taps, the folding of the flag, and the presentation of the flag and three bullets (On behalf of the US President signifying his service, duty and honor).  Final goodbyes were said as well as the Lords Prayer.  The group then proceeded to Joe's Crab Shack for lunch and then back to my mother's house for visiting.  Beautiful way to lay a body to rest while his soul is up in heaven - another angel watching over us.

To change subjects, I had my third round of steroid shots in my back.  Pain is gone but both feet are numb.  I am making an appointment with my neurosurgeon to explore the options.  I know the answer will be no due to my poor health.  I know they are the experts.  However, I am a huge fall risk but with two numb feet I want to drive that point home.  Do I risk having a risky surgery and a long time to heal or do I fall and break something else.

On Monday, Nov. 18th, I am going in for biopsies.  I am praying that it is not cancer and that I do not wake up hooked up to a urine bag.  Only time will tell.

And the best news of all, my mom went with my aunt and uncle to Oklahoma to go to the casinos.  I am so happy that she got out of the house and is doing something for herself.  I love her so much and want her to be ok.  She also has been going for morning walks.  I know this will take time - it is so hard losing a person that you loved dearly and even harder when it was your spouse of 32 years.  I cannot find the words to describe it as I am not feeling the same as my mom.  But, I do miss him terribly as do my children.

More later -

Update

I have gone for two injections in my back.  Really helped with the pain.  However my right foot is numb and my left foot is numb (left foot has been numb for years).  Anyhow, it makes walking interesting.  Going in on the 7th for more injections - hopefully will take care of the numbness.

Going in on the 18th for vaginal biopsies. He does them under anesthesia because they hurt so much.  I guess he is checking to see if it is cancer or displaysia.  From there, we will discuss the options.

On another note, my Stepfather, Paul, passed away in the early morning hours of Monday around 2:30 am.  He will be sorely missed.  My mom puts on a brave face while around others.  When she is alone, she has her moments. 

She said she feels lost and doesn't know what to do.  She has been his caretaker as Alzheimers took away his a lot of his ability to do things - even simple things like make a cup of coffee - he didn't remember how he liked it.  He stopped eating about 3-4 weeks ago.  My mom had had the stomach bug early last week.  She thought he had caught it.  He hadn't.  He had been bleeding internally. 

The doctors put him on a respirator and were fighting keeping his blood pressure up.  His heart stopped once but they were able to get it going again.  A nurse asked my mom if she wanted them to continue to try to keep him alive and mom said yes.  A doctor came in shortly after the nurse.  He asked mom again if she wanted them to continue to try.  My mom said - if I can get him back to where he was.  The doctor sadly said no.  My mom had to make a difficult decision to let him go.  He died peacefully unaware.

After school, I had to tell the triplets on Monday.  They took it hard.  Matthew was hit the hardest.  I kept them home on Tuesday.  A lot of tears were shed.  I sent them to school today - hoping it will be a distraction.  It is so hard to let go of those we love.  But, he is in Heaven and we will see him again.

More later -

Who would of thought at 44?

I am feeling a bit whiny - but feel justified.  In the past week, I got bad news back on my pap smear.  I also had my back go bad on me.

The bad news regarding my pap smear is that it used to be high grade displaysia (which I thought was one step from cancer but found out it is two steps from cancer) and is now severe dysplaysia (which is one step from cancer).  When I left the office, I had my normal three month appointment all set up. 

I got a message that he now wants to see me in a month.  I wanted to know why of course so I called to find out.  Once they finally got me to the nurse, I got the exciting, scary news.  Pretty bummed out on that one.  I have almost nothing left done there - what are they going to be able to cut away.  I fear I will wake up with a urine and stool bags.  I think I have posted this before but for grins I am going to repeat it as I think it is important.  Your vaginal walls are very thin and are connected to your bladder and intestines.  I have already had two or three procedures to cut away bad cells - not sure what they can do.

Also my back went out on me two weeks ago.  I had to go through the steps until the doc could do anything about it.  I could not get comfortable at all. They did prescribe me Gabapentin which is a nerve med - worked for a couple of hours and I could only take it twice a day.  I told her with all the morphine I took, I was surprised it didn't touch the pain - she said it wouldn't because it was nerve pain.  The pain was on the right side - it start on my right side of my back, it went down my buttocks, around my the groin area, down my leg to the calf and made my right foot numb.  For grins, my left foot has been numb for years.  I was trying to wear flip flops but could keep them on because of all the numbness.  So I wore slippers - not so cute, but necessary.

So I saw the doc.  They ordered a MRI - which for the SA readers - STRIC stays open until 10 pm at some of their locations.  So a week ago this past Friday (yesterday), I got my MRI at 9 o'clock at night.  Then we could schedule the steroid shots.

So Thursday was the big day - I finally got steroid shots in my back.  The doctor showed me the MRI - I couldn't tell anything but she told me that in my L4 (lower lumbar 4) which had started as a bulging disc has now broken off and is pressing on my back nerves.  I fear that it will float around and play hide and seek with my lower back nerves.  So I got two shots in my back at L4 and L5.  They give you versed and you are out and don't feel a thing.  I started cussing when they moved me to the procedure table.  The doc said "The meds must have started working because she is never like this."  LOL!  I used proper language after that.  And then I was off to la la land. 

I woke up in recovery.  I had to lay on my back for 30 minutes.  They were also giving me a bag of saline - so I had to wait for that to finish too.  I got to the procedure place at 1:15 and was unable to have anything to drink for 8 hours prior to 1:15.  I always cheat because I have severe dry mouth.  I went to the restroom before I got my gown on - cheated there too.  At least in recovery they gave me ice chips.

Mom and I were both wiped out.  We picked up food for the kids on the way home.  Mom went home - we had been gone so long and she needed to get to my stepfather who has severe Alzheimers.  My discharged orders said to lay low for the rest of the day - what a joke with 11 year old triplets.  When I finally went down I was out like a light until Friday night.  I did get the kids off to school and laid back down and was out.  I call those my lost  days.

So after all the whining, my real point is:  I am 44, the last three years have been hell.  I should be at the prime of my life.  I should be working, going out with friends, and in general doing fun things.  I do have a good time the few times I can muster the strength to get out to see friends.  But it takes a toll on me.  I know that God is with me.  I will continue to pray and I appreciate all those that pray for me.

More later -

Three 6th graders

School is in full swing.  I have three 11 year olds who could all be straight A students but only one who chooses to do so.  The other two do their homework, put it in their homework folder and suddenly lose it when it comes time to turn it in.  I have taken things away.  I have put them on restriction and other sorts of punishment to no avail.

What am I doing wrong?  They are so smart.  How do I motivate them?  It is beyond frustrating.

The old back has given out - going for steroid shots tomorrow.  Praying that it takes effect straight away.

Finally, getting the kids to the coast soon.  Hope I can do it on my own.  Keep your fingers crossed.

Happy Wednesday!

More later -

Kelly

Moving at a slow pace

This summer has done me in.  I am doing more things on my own or with the kiddos.  Having the kids around helps - they help with groceries etc.  But, even with their help the heat just exhausts me.  I am good for 2 or 3 errands and then I get shaky and have to get home and lay down.  I get dizzy and shaky - it worries Sarah and she holds my arm - too sweet.

Learning my limits - hard to give into a body that doesn't work like it should or once did.  Last night I dreamed that I could not breathe - scared me.  Due to all of this, time to see the doc.  I will be calling tomorrow.

I had promised the kids I would take them to the beach this summer - didn't work out that way.  But I have made reservations for after labor day when rates go down.  Pray that I can do it on my own.  We are going in late September.

The kids went with their father to visit his family in PA.  They went early August and were gone for a week - as much as I love them, it was so nice to have peace and quiet.  The best part is they had a blast!  It was much cooler there and they would wrap themselves up in towels after swimming.  They are never gone over night for weekends but he does pick them up Saturday or Sunday and takes them to Fiesta Texas for the better part of the day.

Still loving the furbabies - they are fun to watch.  I groom them each morning - two I have to feed treats to keep them still enough so that I can comb them out.  One of them just licks you when you scratch her neck.  Oh, I got two more!  Big kitty, CP, over looking all the new additions.  Ash hanging out on the scratching curve, all four getting their wet food that we use to mix their vitamins in and diva of them all Piper.   If you are wondering about the blue neck collars - they both had some issues with their spaying/neutering.

Next week is Meet the Teacher night!  The kids are excited - not about the school part- but about seeing their friends. 

More later -

A year ago

Hi all,

I went to the doctor yesterday.  As I was walking into the building, I was thinking about the past when any time I went to the doctor, my mom had to go get a wheel chair to roll me in.  I had absolutely no energy and was too weak to walk.  I would get in the examination room and lay on their exam bed.  That is all I could handle.  I remember just crying all the time.

So when I went to my appointment, the nurse practitioner and I were talking about my color in my face not being so gray anymore and how the little bit of weight I had put on looked made me look so much better.  I feel better.  I am not 100% and don't think I ever will be but in comparison to last year I am so much better.  Just wish I could eat without bad consequences.

This has left me with a thought - have I truly expressed my gratitude?  I am thankful to God for listening to my prayers and prayers of others.  I am thankful to my Mom for taking care of the triplets and I on the darkest of days.  I am thankful to the many prayer warriors out there - some known and some not - that prayed for me.  I am thankful that I feel good today.

So as I walk today and take my son to the doctor - I will be thankful that I am able to do so.  I know my limits - good for about two days and then crash and burn for a day.  But I am thankful that I had those two good days.

So with a full heart of gratitude, thank you God and all the prayers that have brought me this far!

More later -

Where has the time gone???

Been a little busy around here with two kitties.  But we are all having a blast with them.  Just having them play, get sleepy, grooming them has brought me so much joy - which I needed badly.  I went a bit manic and bought two more - money??? 401K - stupid I know, but I thought about it for days when the kitties pictures were posted for sale and feel in love all over again.  They will be here a week from tomorrow.  Duke and Delilah will be joined by Dusty and Daisy.  Not sure how we got on the letter "D" for their first names.  The only other cat I would buy is a pure chocolate - I will be the old lady in the house surrounded by cats!

Went to the oncologist.  My pap results are still showing high grade dysplasia - no big news - always one step from cancer.  But, I rather be one step away than not.  I showed the doc the two spots I was concerned with - he was unfazed so no biopsies.

I did however bring up another issue with him.  I asked what transgender people do when they want to change their bodies.  He explained they would cut out a heart shape graph from right underneath my ribs and form a vagina.  I asked what would happen to my bladder - he said that I would not have an external bag but then I forgot to where he said that a line would be threaded - so not sure how urine would be expelled from my body.  Once healed, I would HAVE to used the dilators - which I have learned my lesson or I would not be in the predicament I am in.  It would give me a chance of feeling like a complete woman again.  I have been praying about it and beg you to do the same.

I want to do it by 8/31 before I go on Medicare on 9/1.  I will keep you posted as I explore this path.

Hope you're all having a great 4th of July!

More later -

New furbabies

I decided to get new kittens to be lovebugs when the house is so quiet.  Everyone in the house has fallen in love.

 

 

Sarah is holding Delilah and in the second picture Duke is playing with Delilah.  They are such a joy. 

More later -

New day

It has been way too long since I have posted - which is good news - I am still leveled out.  Still have to get my pain meds for my bladder worked out - which will happen by the end of this month.

Seeing oncologist this Friday - never fun.  I have two spots that are concerning me - going to ask for them to be biopsied.  Will keep you posted.

I have been in a funk for a long while.  Well that turned itself around and went a little manic.  I bought two teacup Persians.  Duke and Delilah.  They will be here around the first week in July.  It really gave my heart a lift.  I had been in a funk for so long and had given it to God.  I kept looking for direction.  Just looking at those kitten pictures helped and although I really couldn't afford it - I did it anyways.  I love them already - just waiting until they are old enough to be shipped.  They are gifts from God - finally found the direction He was leading me to.  Who knew it would be two fur-babies?  If I ever learn how to post pictures, I hope to get some pictures up in July.

Also working on getting down to my family's ranch so that I can see everyone and the trips will get to know their cousins - one of which was born the same day as they were.  So lots of positives.

Hope everyone is doing well!

More later -