Wednesday, January 23, 2013

My first guest post!

Hi All-

January is Cervical Cancer Awareness month - which was news to me.  A nurse had found my blog and asked if I would be interested in doing a guest blog.  I said yes!  I got a little bit of guidance of what she was looking for.  It was difficult to write for two reasons:  1.  Reliving the scary moments and 2:  How to condense it.  It ended up being a 4 page word doc! 

I sent it out to her and let her know she could edit stuff etc. I did not include everything but it ended up being a 4 page word document.  I told her to feel free to edit as she felt necessary.  She sent me back an e-mail fairly quickly.  It said she cried her way through reading it and wouldn't change a word.  .

It is sometimes so difficult to even blog much less a write-up of all that has happened.  Here is the link:

If you have followed my blog, much will be familiar to you.  If you have not, this is a decent (and somewhat brief description for all I have gone through) way to find out about Cervical Cancer and what it has done to me and the lasting effects of it.

Thanks to the Gypsy Nurse for asking me to guest blog.

More later -

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Friday, January 18, 2013

Counseling for the trips & January - Cervical Cancer Awareness Month

Hi All -

All quiet on the home front.  Kids are with their dad this weekend and next.  They weren't too excited about it -  too much to go into and I want to respect their privacy.  But it breaks my heart.  However on a positive note, the kids and I started family counseling today.  It is provided by the school district free of charge.  Neat system.  The "counselors" are students working on their advanced degrees in some facet of counseling.

All meetings are recorded and reviewed by licensed psychologists.  I wanted to get the kids in there because they have had a rough two years between things happening at my house and their father's home.  I know they don't have the words or even recognize that something is not quite what they should be.  I wanted them to work with a third party that are educated to work with them to see if they need help with any of it.

Writing is hard sometimes.  I often ask myself if I am conveying what I aimed to, if I wrote in a way that it would be interesting, if it is educational and if it funny when it was meant to.  A nurse found my blog and invited me to do a guest blog.  So I was a little proud that she liked my blog and have it be another avenue to get the information out to others.  I believe it will be published on her site on January 23rd.  I will keep you posted here and on Face book.

Thank you for the continued prayers.  It gives me great comfort and is much appreciated.

More later -

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Saturday, January 5, 2013

Goodbye 2012 - Hello Sleep

Who knew that the last four years would feature surgeries, cancer, hospitalizations, and all the aftermath.  I am not sorry to see the years go (although it also features my getting older!)  The kids and I said goodbye to 2012 with them jumping up and down with almost the same excitement as they had opening Christmas gifts.

As I have blogged before, I need sleep and lots of it.  I have been asleep for the better part of three days.  The fatigue just built and built - until my body called uncle.  My Mom sent me a great quote:

"I love sleep. My life has a tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?"
-Ernest Hemingway

How perfect is that - when I sleep, however my life can and does fall apart.  I am truly grateful that things have stabilized.  Thanks to all my prayer warriors and the Man upstairs. 

After the kids have been home for the last week and a half, they went with their father this weekend.  The silence is strange.  But, I do not miss the fighting and screaming.

So sleep away and have sweet dreams.  That is my plan.  Happy 2013!

More later -

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Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Crash and Burn

After not sleeping well for a week and staying up late for New Year's Eve, I crashed and burned.  I am the queen of crash and burn.  I typically sleep at least 12-18 hours.  I think I went into manic overdrive - starting with the six batches of Chex mix intermingled with two kids coming downstairs a couple of nights ago and staying up till 4, not sleeping at all on Saturday night (hyper focused on the fact I did not have a computer) and ending with watching the countdown to 2013.

I knew it was coming and I needed it badly - but one thing or another kept me manic.  Confession time:  I was diagnosed as bipolar in 2002.  I may have confessed this before but wasn't sure.  So this may be a confession repeat.  It started as a diagnoses of postpartum depression - the triplets were born in early 2002.  I struggled mightily.  The diagnoses then progressed to severe depression and then after a series of events, bipolar.  My sister was also bipolar.  My mother's father struggled with depression and my father - was just plain crazy and paranoid in his latter days.  So, I proudly come from a long list of crazy people.

Mental issues are common - but a lot of people are too scared to admit it.  I to am embarrassed about discussing it.  My family and very few, very close friends know about it.  I shouldn't be embarrassed - it is an illness that is just as real as cancer.  But it is so important to make sure your balance of meds is right.  I have had adjustments over the years based on what was going on in my life.  If you don't  feel right, don't feel yourself, please seek help.  It may just be a temporary hurdle or a lifetime diagnoses.

Typically, I lean more towards mania - which is way better than depression to me.  However, this cancer illness and all the side effects have left me with depression and anxiety.  I do well most days.  I see the proper docs.  I take my meds.  I do all the right things - but when I go manic - I go MANIC.

So went to sleep at 1 am this morning and briefly woke up around noon and then crashed until 4.  One of the major problems with this, is my lovely bladder.  When I do come to somewhat during the day, I usually do not think about my pain meds.  Not good.  So when I finally really wake up - I am in bladder heck.  But after two or three doses it settles down.

Don't hide, like I have done for years, get the help and support you need.  It does not make you a weak person or a strange person, you just have an illness like any other illness.

More later -

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Happy New Year

Made it to Midnight - the clock ticking slowly towards 2013.  Slowly because Sarah took over the TV.  This is nothing new - she will fight you and you finally give up.  We watched every New Year's countdown - New York, San Antonio and Las Vegas - I couldn't get away from it.  Las Vegas you ask?  Answer:  Tate Stevens, the winner of the X Factor, performed in Las Vegas. 

There is a rhythm to our house.  Who sits where and who plays what and who watches what TV.  I will bore you and explain it as best as I can.

Sarah sits downstairs in a over sized chair that spins.  If you get in it, she will fight you to the death to get back in it.  I have a big couch that ends in a short chaise sitting area.  The boys could very comfortable there - but you know the game - sibling vs. sibling.  The big TV is downstairs - she also tries to drive what is watched.  As you can tell from the first paragraph, she usually wins.

The second is Daniel - he would sit at the computer all day, all night until you make him get up.  When the other two want to play on it, we have to set the timer.  He will watch the timer like a hawk.  As soon as it goes off, he is at the computer telling the person to get off.  This process usually involves yelling and a push/shove or two.  If he watches TV, he usually goes to the guest bedroom and watches there.

Matthew takes over the play room.  It is pretty much a full size living room loft upstairs.  Besides TV, he plays Wii or other games.  If he is watching TV, he is usually laid out on the couch.  If you try to sit on the couch, see above re:  Sarah's reaction to sitting in the over sized chair.

One thing that complicates watching TV upstairs, is which remote works with what TV.  Long story, but one works with one TV and the other same thing.  If you switch them, you lose some of the functionality of the remotes.  You would think that they could simply just try one or the other and figure it out - nope it is a fight because remotes disappear into the abyss.

So all of the above happened last night.  Fun stuff.  I tried to do a family hug and kisses on the cheeks last night when it struck midnight - didn't go off so well either.

So from my dysfunctional family to yours, Happy New Year.

More later -

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