I knew it was coming and I needed it badly - but one thing or another kept me manic. Confession time: I was diagnosed as bipolar in 2002. I may have confessed this before but wasn't sure. So this may be a confession repeat. It started as a diagnoses of postpartum depression - the triplets were born in early 2002. I struggled mightily. The diagnoses then progressed to severe depression and then after a series of events, bipolar. My sister was also bipolar. My mother's father struggled with depression and my father - was just plain crazy and paranoid in his latter days. So, I proudly come from a long list of crazy people.
Mental issues are common - but a lot of people are too scared to admit it. I to am embarrassed about discussing it. My family and very few, very close friends know about it. I shouldn't be embarrassed - it is an illness that is just as real as cancer. But it is so important to make sure your balance of meds is right. I have had adjustments over the years based on what was going on in my life. If you don't feel right, don't feel yourself, please seek help. It may just be a temporary hurdle or a lifetime diagnoses.
Typically, I lean more towards mania - which is way better than depression to me. However, this cancer illness and all the side effects have left me with depression and anxiety. I do well most days. I see the proper docs. I take my meds. I do all the right things - but when I go manic - I go MANIC.
So went to sleep at 1 am this morning and briefly woke up around noon and then crashed until 4. One of the major problems with this, is my lovely bladder. When I do come to somewhat during the day, I usually do not think about my pain meds. Not good. So when I finally really wake up - I am in bladder heck. But after two or three doses it settles down.
Don't hide, like I have done for years, get the help and support you need. It does not make you a weak person or a strange person, you just have an illness like any other illness.
More later -
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