Monday, December 31, 2012

All Heck Breaks Loose!

Warning long post!

I am sure you have had those days, months or years.  It seems that anything that could go wrong went
wrong.  It would seem trivial to some - but to me, when added together it, it pulled me apart at the seams.  Easy for me this to happen to me.

Preparations for the kids coming home from their father's house.  Preparing 6 batches of Chex Mix - killed me arthritis and bladder wise.  Not sleeping much.  Computer blowing up (this made me crazy - how do you live without a computer????).  Insurance issues and other small stuff and I was done in.

Computer blew up Friday - Mom (who knows way much more than I do as to fixing them) got some stuff fixed but couldn't get it all the way.  She tried some Saturday - no luck.  I slept not at all on Saturday - I mean at all - I was way too focused on the computer.  I am weird that way.   So Sunday I was not at my best.  Mom came over early on Sunday morning.  We kept trying stuff.  After we couldn't get it fixed, I gave out - I have a compulsive disorder (self diagnosed).  I went and bought a new computer.

We went to the Forum on Sunday.  Had to make a stop at Walgreen's on the way there - stop 1, kids wanted to go to Target and so did I - stop 2,  Best Buy for a computer - got a HP Pavilion All In One 20" screen - pretty sweet - stop 3, Toys R Us (I hate this store - I don't get how it is laid out) and I told the kids it would not be restocked yet (I win!) but somehow we spent 30+ minutes in there (stop 4) and then Bath and Body Works (I have posted how Sarah shops there before - has to smell EVERYTHING) -stop 5 - and then finally home.  I wore tennis shoes - not common - but I thought it would help my feet.  Guess what, last night arthritis last night in my right foot - could barely walk.  Repeat prednisone routine.

What else, oh, I have a small fridge in the garage, freezer door wouldn't stay closed.  Somehow Matthew figured it out.  Let's hear it for Matthew - he is always my fix it guy or the one with the strength to open stuff.  Beyond helpful.

But one of the things that really got me going and upset was my OBRA coverage.  I did not realize that my prior employer was changing processing companies.  I rushed to the Post Office in PJs, flip flops and a big sweater - yes, I looked wonderful, thank you.  I overnighted my January payment to a PO Box - once there it will take 3-5 days to process not counting the holidays.  This is all coupled with November and December being screwed up too.

What happens is that when you try to fill a prescription or go to the doc, they think you don't have insurance.  This was even despite the fact that I paid them 5 months in advance in November - did not help.  Well - this was because they were transferring to the new company.  I had no idea that when I was talking to people in Nov and Dec that I was on the phone with the old and new companies.  NO ONE clued me in.

The day after I called and we figured out that for the most part was hosed, I called back and spoke with someone else.  Very nice.  She offered to send me the paperwork to sign up for auto-withdrawal going forward.  Why did the person the day before not offered this?  But even more to the point - why can't you do this on-line?  She also let me know that the money has to be there on the 10th of the month for instance in January for the February payment. Why had the guy the day before not tell me this?  I would have sent two checks one for January and one for February - while looking fab at the post office.  Since this is the third paragraph on this, I will stop.  Just know I have been dealing with this for months and I can't take it.  I have a doc appointment on the 2nd - I will most likely pay full price.  Any scripts - same thing - full price until they can get this straight.

But - I have a working computer and I am so happy about that.  Also besides the arthritis and bladder pain - I haven't complained much about my health!  A big thanks to my prayer warriors.

I will post about my New Years Eve soon - kids are excited!  Me - not so much except for a huge prayer for continued stable health.  I wish each of you the best!

More later -

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Christmas 2012

My family celebrated Christmas on the evening of the 26th.  So much happened before and after that date that I am going to break it down into a couple of blogs so that it may make more sense.  So back to Christmas celebration.  My kids love my Chex Mix.  I have changed it up a bit - I put a lot more Worcestershire sauce in it and honey nut Cheerios (and absolutely no pretzels and peanuts) - so it is very savory and sweet.  Love it!  To each is own.

Mom and I had made a menu plan - all apps.  Six or seven things.  I made 6 batches of Chex Mix - one for each kid, one for a friend, one for my parents and one for the party.  I did this Christmas Day all day.  My arthritis reared it's ugly head.  Repetitive motions kill me - tons of prednisone later and about 10-12 hours later it worked itself out.  Ok enough about me.  Back to the celebration.

Mom shows up the afternoon of the 26th to make sausage and cheese balls and I worked on setting out all the other stuff.  She went OVERBOARD (Hi Mom).  We had sooooo much food and more from other parts of the family, friends and neighbors.  Enough for a 30 person party.  Anyway - all was enjoyed by who was here.  Kids even got sparkling grape juice - in plastic long stem champagne glasses - they thought they were the bomb.

Ok - KIDS ENTRANCE!  They couldn't even stop to say hello to who was here.  They are 10 - I know they are excited but I think they are old enough to say hi - 5 seconds.  Maybe I am expecting too much.  I blocked their entrance to the living room and made them say Hi while they were in the middle of jumping up and down and saying let me at the presents.  So I was happy.  Then they dug in.  So they were happy.  They liked what they got - so all was good and enjoyed by all.  My mom and kids got me the coolest presents.  I am very grateful.

As a side, as the days passed, Sarah kept measurements on her bucket of Chex Mix.  I mean really????  She had quite the opinion and would loudly blame her brothers for eating it.  Since she was a really little kid, she has never been one to share.

Then all heck broke loose.

More later -

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Saturday, December 22, 2012

Chrismas spirit and more

A very good friend planned it.  When we first talked about it, the only day we could come up was today.  I told her it was so close to Christmas and that I would completely understand if it couldn't fall into place.  But, even as Christmas time is here, all these people showed up.

She and some friends wanted to get together, decorate my house - whatever I needed done.  Such kindness and the true spirit of Christmas.  She arranged for a group of friends from where I used to work to get together.  I was worried to put these people on the spot during the holiday season and so close to Christmas.

But this great group put their busy lives on hold and came out to my neck of the woods and we met for lunch.  I am always surprised by the gentleness and kindness of people.  Being ill for so long, I have seen it manifest itself in so many ways.

So for those that were there and those that wanted to be, thank you from the bottom of my heart.  They are friends, prayer warriors and kind people.  So generous with their hearts and time.  There are no words to Thank you properly - but it was a wonderful Christmas gift.

Just a little shout out to Lisa Thaddeus - I know you wanted to be there and couldn't.  I would have loved to have seen you but as schedules go, I completely understand.  You have such a kind heart and I appreciate all the prayers.  I hope you have a wonderful Holiday Season and enjoy having your children home.

Another shout out to Cathy - for picking me up and taking me home.  You are a dear friend.  Love you dearly.

And the last shout out to Debbie for putting this all together.  By the way I love the glass you had installed in your bathroom. :)

Ok - one more shout out - Dawn - It was beyond wonderful to see you.  We have to paint and stay more in touch.  Love you to pieces.

More later -

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Thursday, December 13, 2012

What's up lately?

It has been awhile, so I thought I would give you a run down as life as I know it - pretty boring stuff (you have been warned.)

I am finally healing up from my last procedure.  I can sit without pain.  Thanks to all my prayer warriors for keeping the prayers going!

Christmas is upon us.  As the decorations go up, I feel like I just took them down from last year.  Feeling a little Scroogey - if there is such a word.  Finally got my Christmas presents ordered - love the internet! 

In the past, I had a job or was on severance.  So there was plenty of money to over-buy presents.  For the first time this year, the kids will see only 3-4 presents under the tree.  Nothing extravagant. And not the 10-12 presents they are accustomed to.

I think it is way better this way.  In years past, they would tear through all the wrapping paper.  They would leave all boxes and wrapping paper on the floor faster than the adults could stuff the wrapping paper in garbage sacks.  They would usually have 1 or 2 presents they would like and forget the rest and just cluttered the toy room (which is another blog in and of itself).

One thing I have been doing is watching the World's Strictest Parents on YouTube.  Due to my lack of having limits for the longest time, I have been taking tips from it.  I really hope to make a reasonable impact so that they know there are consequences to their actions.  I just have to stick with it.

Please remember my cousin, Mel, in your prayers.  She had a horrible car accident about two years ago and has gone through at least 19 surgeries to her hip.  There are so many issues with infections and she is not healing properly.  She is still in pain and going through the trials and tribulations of this for so long. 

Have to remember the reason for the season and not how many presents are under the tree.  Hope each of you have a wonderful holiday season.

More later -

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Friday, December 7, 2012

Oncologist follow up

Biopsy just showed cells messed up by radiation.  So that is good news.  I asked about vaginal reconstruction (mom made me).  He said it is more for females born without a vagina.  What they do is take strips of flesh from your upper thigh and make a cut where the vaginal canal should be.  Then they use the strips to construct the vagina.  Sadly, I am not a candidate due to the tissue in my vagina being messed up due to radiation and the fact I smoke.  Radiation more so because it screws up the vascular system and doesn't allow healing.

My other question was regarding the shrinkage of my vagina.  He said when they got me to the operating room that even the smallest of speculum only gave him about a quarter inch visibility.  He said he was trying to use scissors to get a biopsy and they kept slipping because of the space issues - he said he finally just used a scalpel and got the tissue sample.  We also spoke about dilators.  They have a new kind that is made with soft plastic instead of the hard plastic.  I will spare you the rest of the details.

He thinks it can widen the vagina but probably not lengthen it.   I go back in 4 months (YAY).  Thanks for the prayers. 

More later -

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Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Oncologist tomorrow :(

I have a follow up appointment from my procedure last month.  When I spoke to the nurse- they usually tell me the results over the phone.  No go this time. Not looking forward to it tomorrow.  I will post an update - just keep praying.

More later -

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Sunday, December 2, 2012

In a big time funk

It has been awhile - so I thought I would put up a small update.  I am in a major funk.  I don't want to leave the house.  I don't want to talk on the phone.  I don't want physical contact with the outside world unless it is absolutely necessary - like doc appointments.

I have two appointments this week.  One not so bad - flu shots for the kids (they are not happy about it as the nose mist is on back order so they have to get the real deal - a shot).  The other is a follow up with my Oncologist post procedure.  The oncologist is the one I dread.

Also getting ready to go out is a huge pain.  I can't just jump in the shower because of my port.  I have to get the bathroom heated up.  Take a bath.  Try not to lose my balance getting out of the tub.  Dry off, dress, then off to the kitchen to wash my hair in the sink.  After that, I am worn out and have to take a rest so that I can continue to get ready.

Funky part - I have had only one haircut since March 2011.  So much of my hair fell out when I was unable to eat. It is getting thicker but like I said, just don't want to get out.  Same things with my pedis and manis - been a very long time.  I use to have a great paying job.  I am having to say no a lot more to the kids when they ask.  I have to get groceries, $20 band shirts, 3 pairs of khakis- the list goes on.  Also my cobra payment is going from $600 to $1,000.  Goes on and on.

Don't want to be in this mind set - just need a road map out.

More later -

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