A year ago

Hi all,

I went to the doctor yesterday.  As I was walking into the building, I was thinking about the past when any time I went to the doctor, my mom had to go get a wheel chair to roll me in.  I had absolutely no energy and was too weak to walk.  I would get in the examination room and lay on their exam bed.  That is all I could handle.  I remember just crying all the time.

So when I went to my appointment, the nurse practitioner and I were talking about my color in my face not being so gray anymore and how the little bit of weight I had put on looked made me look so much better.  I feel better.  I am not 100% and don't think I ever will be but in comparison to last year I am so much better.  Just wish I could eat without bad consequences.

This has left me with a thought - have I truly expressed my gratitude?  I am thankful to God for listening to my prayers and prayers of others.  I am thankful to my Mom for taking care of the triplets and I on the darkest of days.  I am thankful to the many prayer warriors out there - some known and some not - that prayed for me.  I am thankful that I feel good today.

So as I walk today and take my son to the doctor - I will be thankful that I am able to do so.  I know my limits - good for about two days and then crash and burn for a day.  But I am thankful that I had those two good days.

So with a full heart of gratitude, thank you God and all the prayers that have brought me this far!

More later -

Where has the time gone???

Been a little busy around here with two kitties.  But we are all having a blast with them.  Just having them play, get sleepy, grooming them has brought me so much joy - which I needed badly.  I went a bit manic and bought two more - money??? 401K - stupid I know, but I thought about it for days when the kitties pictures were posted for sale and feel in love all over again.  They will be here a week from tomorrow.  Duke and Delilah will be joined by Dusty and Daisy.  Not sure how we got on the letter "D" for their first names.  The only other cat I would buy is a pure chocolate - I will be the old lady in the house surrounded by cats!

Went to the oncologist.  My pap results are still showing high grade dysplasia - no big news - always one step from cancer.  But, I rather be one step away than not.  I showed the doc the two spots I was concerned with - he was unfazed so no biopsies.

I did however bring up another issue with him.  I asked what transgender people do when they want to change their bodies.  He explained they would cut out a heart shape graph from right underneath my ribs and form a vagina.  I asked what would happen to my bladder - he said that I would not have an external bag but then I forgot to where he said that a line would be threaded - so not sure how urine would be expelled from my body.  Once healed, I would HAVE to used the dilators - which I have learned my lesson or I would not be in the predicament I am in.  It would give me a chance of feeling like a complete woman again.  I have been praying about it and beg you to do the same.

I want to do it by 8/31 before I go on Medicare on 9/1.  I will keep you posted as I explore this path.

Hope you're all having a great 4th of July!

More later -