Friday, April 12, 2013

Been in a Funk

I don't when it started - a month or so ago.  For some reason, everything I do seems like I have a heavy weight on my shoulders and the world is closing in.  Not a good feeling - depression is not fun.
I did have lunch this week (barely ate anything - maybe 4 -6 small bites and my body said nope) - but it was so worth it to see friends.  But on the flip side it took everything I had to get the out of the house.

Tonight I am going to see another friend - again don't want to leave the house, but I will.  And I will enjoy it when I get there - it is just the getting there.  Being bipolar stinks - I usually fall to the manic side (which is fun!) and rarely to the depression side (sucks).  But here I am - not drowning yet and praying (a lot) that this will end soon.

I have had the kids straight since January - no breaks except when one of them wants to spend the night at my mom's house.  Don't take me wrong - I love my children very, very much.  But I miss those 4 days of peace a month.  The whining and fighting goes right up my spine.  I am not perfect - I don't always handle it like I should - and I so regret it later.  They deserve to be told what they did wrong, how to handle it the next time, work at it and listen to me. 

When there are three of them, all talking at once you can't tell heads from tails.  Anyway, enough about that.  I will keep praying about it and try to remember to leave it in God's hands.

I have been doing so much better.  Only bad issues are I am wibbley wobbley and lose my balance and am afraid I will fall, the fatigue is out of this world and have found two small bumps that I need to show the oncologist.  I am sure he will biopsy both - not looking forward to that.   I also have just ignored getting my mammogram - need to get that done. 

I know I haven't blogged in a while - I have just been hiding.  I need to rejoin the world as small as I keep it - it is enough for me.  Yesterday I finished the last of my dental work.  Hopefully no more 6 cavities at one time.  At least I am blogging - a good first step.

More later -

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1 comment:

  1. I have struggled with depression for years so I can definitely relate. I will keep you in my prayers. Sending you a hug.