Friday, May 3, 2013

Rough Road

This week has been tough.  I had a fender bender this week in the parent line to pick up the kiddos at school.  Paint damage, no one hurt - so all is ok.  Then later in the week I got a roofing nail in one of my tires .  Went to get it fixed and completely forgot that I have wheel locks on the tires.  Three days after I got my Tahoe it ended up on blocks - so when I got all new tires and wheels - I had the put on tire locks.  Not fun.  So finally got it taken care of yesterday.

Struggling with meds still.  It is a cluster.  We have lowered my pain meds - not so good.  I feel my bladder all mid-day on.  I have had to take a lot more break through morphine pain meds.  Before I spoke with my pain docs office, I had cut them down myself.  That night I had massive diarrhea and I was soaked with sweat.  The diarrhea is from cut down on meds because those meds usually constipate people but for me it allows me to eat gummy bears.  I saw my head doc and she gave me a sheet that explains withdrawals from opiates.  One of them was the sweating and a couple other things listed I was having.  Talk about a walk in the park.

Struggling with a lot right now.  Not sure why - but not handling things as normal.  I feel defeated, extremely agitated as well as frustrated beyond words.  Not a good mix.  Even when my computer went a little crazy - I was climbing the walls.  Or my kitchen being dirty - waiting for the kids to pick up their selves or getting the kids out the door on time in the morning - send me over the edge.  I have to walk out of the room because I usually fall into tears - it worries the kids and my little red head is so sweet - he comes up to me and asks if I want a hug and I always take the hug.

I just want peace. I want to get to a place that my pain isn't so extreme but as good as it can without all the bad repercussions.  I want to want to do things - even fun things.  I am going to lunch with two good friends tomorrow - hoping bouncing things off them or just having an outlet for my feelings will be fun and helpful.  But I have to force myself to do good things for me.  My kids are well taken care of - I want to be well taken care of.

More later -

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