Who would of thought at 44?

I am feeling a bit whiny - but feel justified.  In the past week, I got bad news back on my pap smear.  I also had my back go bad on me.

The bad news regarding my pap smear is that it used to be high grade displaysia (which I thought was one step from cancer but found out it is two steps from cancer) and is now severe dysplaysia (which is one step from cancer).  When I left the office, I had my normal three month appointment all set up. 

I got a message that he now wants to see me in a month.  I wanted to know why of course so I called to find out.  Once they finally got me to the nurse, I got the exciting, scary news.  Pretty bummed out on that one.  I have almost nothing left done there - what are they going to be able to cut away.  I fear I will wake up with a urine and stool bags.  I think I have posted this before but for grins I am going to repeat it as I think it is important.  Your vaginal walls are very thin and are connected to your bladder and intestines.  I have already had two or three procedures to cut away bad cells - not sure what they can do.

Also my back went out on me two weeks ago.  I had to go through the steps until the doc could do anything about it.  I could not get comfortable at all. They did prescribe me Gabapentin which is a nerve med - worked for a couple of hours and I could only take it twice a day.  I told her with all the morphine I took, I was surprised it didn't touch the pain - she said it wouldn't because it was nerve pain.  The pain was on the right side - it start on my right side of my back, it went down my buttocks, around my the groin area, down my leg to the calf and made my right foot numb.  For grins, my left foot has been numb for years.  I was trying to wear flip flops but could keep them on because of all the numbness.  So I wore slippers - not so cute, but necessary.

So I saw the doc.  They ordered a MRI - which for the SA readers - STRIC stays open until 10 pm at some of their locations.  So a week ago this past Friday (yesterday), I got my MRI at 9 o'clock at night.  Then we could schedule the steroid shots.

So Thursday was the big day - I finally got steroid shots in my back.  The doctor showed me the MRI - I couldn't tell anything but she told me that in my L4 (lower lumbar 4) which had started as a bulging disc has now broken off and is pressing on my back nerves.  I fear that it will float around and play hide and seek with my lower back nerves.  So I got two shots in my back at L4 and L5.  They give you versed and you are out and don't feel a thing.  I started cussing when they moved me to the procedure table.  The doc said "The meds must have started working because she is never like this."  LOL!  I used proper language after that.  And then I was off to la la land. 

I woke up in recovery.  I had to lay on my back for 30 minutes.  They were also giving me a bag of saline - so I had to wait for that to finish too.  I got to the procedure place at 1:15 and was unable to have anything to drink for 8 hours prior to 1:15.  I always cheat because I have severe dry mouth.  I went to the restroom before I got my gown on - cheated there too.  At least in recovery they gave me ice chips.

Mom and I were both wiped out.  We picked up food for the kids on the way home.  Mom went home - we had been gone so long and she needed to get to my stepfather who has severe Alzheimers.  My discharged orders said to lay low for the rest of the day - what a joke with 11 year old triplets.  When I finally went down I was out like a light until Friday night.  I did get the kids off to school and laid back down and was out.  I call those my lost  days.

So after all the whining, my real point is:  I am 44, the last three years have been hell.  I should be at the prime of my life.  I should be working, going out with friends, and in general doing fun things.  I do have a good time the few times I can muster the strength to get out to see friends.  But it takes a toll on me.  I know that God is with me.  I will continue to pray and I appreciate all those that pray for me.

More later -