Thursday, December 29, 2011

Some days are harder than others

I am so looking forward to the New Year and what it might bring.

I had a follow up appointment with my Oncologist on the 27th.  I got there in time to ride up the elevator with him.  He patted me on the back as he spoke to another doc on the phone.  I know it is rude to talk to someone while they are on the phone (I tell my children this all the time) - but I couldn't help myself.  I told him that he was not allowed to hurt me ever again - he just smiled.

I got signed in.  Paid my co-pay.  Went to the ladies room.  Came back out to wait in the waiting room only to hear the receptionist make the following announcement:  "The doc is behind on two procedures at the hospital as it was the hospitals fault as they were not turning beds fast enough."  As there were about 4 people ahead of me, I decided not to waste 2-3 hours to see him.  Will try again on the 5th. 

However I spoke with the nurses and he actually called me back.  They are concerned with my intestines and other girl parts in the PET/CT scan.  They want to repeat it in three months.  This test is very costly and they usually run it once a year.  Something to look forward to.

My children are with their father this week.  I had left two messages for them.  I finally got a return call tonight.  Sarah then told me how she cried the first two nights because she missed me - hurts my heart.  They are coming home the first of January.   Even though they drive  me a bit crazy - I miss them so much.

Her IPod touch got here today.  She had shattered the screen so badly that they just sent a new one.  No touching them until they have covers.  But she was excited to know she got a new one waiting for her.

Here is where it gets hard.  The last couple of years have been completely brutal at times.  So much about my life - like the fun stuff is gone.  I will never get them back.  For some reason, after the excitement of unwrapping the gifts, I go into a holiday funk.  Need to get that figured out.

I have to remind myself that this is in God's hands.  I am thankful that I have my life and can still raise my children.  I am thankful for my mother - she has been there every minute of the way holding my hand.  I am thankful for all those praying for me.   I know you have God's ear - but His will will be done.  I have faith in that.

Happy New Year to all of you!  I wish you the best of love, life and health.

More later -

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