Update

I have gone for two injections in my back.  Really helped with the pain.  However my right foot is numb and my left foot is numb (left foot has been numb for years).  Anyhow, it makes walking interesting.  Going in on the 7th for more injections - hopefully will take care of the numbness.

Going in on the 18th for vaginal biopsies. He does them under anesthesia because they hurt so much.  I guess he is checking to see if it is cancer or displaysia.  From there, we will discuss the options.

On another note, my Stepfather, Paul, passed away in the early morning hours of Monday around 2:30 am.  He will be sorely missed.  My mom puts on a brave face while around others.  When she is alone, she has her moments. 

She said she feels lost and doesn't know what to do.  She has been his caretaker as Alzheimers took away his a lot of his ability to do things - even simple things like make a cup of coffee - he didn't remember how he liked it.  He stopped eating about 3-4 weeks ago.  My mom had had the stomach bug early last week.  She thought he had caught it.  He hadn't.  He had been bleeding internally. 

The doctors put him on a respirator and were fighting keeping his blood pressure up.  His heart stopped once but they were able to get it going again.  A nurse asked my mom if she wanted them to continue to try to keep him alive and mom said yes.  A doctor came in shortly after the nurse.  He asked mom again if she wanted them to continue to try.  My mom said - if I can get him back to where he was.  The doctor sadly said no.  My mom had to make a difficult decision to let him go.  He died peacefully unaware.

After school, I had to tell the triplets on Monday.  They took it hard.  Matthew was hit the hardest.  I kept them home on Tuesday.  A lot of tears were shed.  I sent them to school today - hoping it will be a distraction.  It is so hard to let go of those we love.  But, he is in Heaven and we will see him again.

More later -

Who would of thought at 44?

I am feeling a bit whiny - but feel justified.  In the past week, I got bad news back on my pap smear.  I also had my back go bad on me.

The bad news regarding my pap smear is that it used to be high grade displaysia (which I thought was one step from cancer but found out it is two steps from cancer) and is now severe dysplaysia (which is one step from cancer).  When I left the office, I had my normal three month appointment all set up. 

I got a message that he now wants to see me in a month.  I wanted to know why of course so I called to find out.  Once they finally got me to the nurse, I got the exciting, scary news.  Pretty bummed out on that one.  I have almost nothing left done there - what are they going to be able to cut away.  I fear I will wake up with a urine and stool bags.  I think I have posted this before but for grins I am going to repeat it as I think it is important.  Your vaginal walls are very thin and are connected to your bladder and intestines.  I have already had two or three procedures to cut away bad cells - not sure what they can do.

Also my back went out on me two weeks ago.  I had to go through the steps until the doc could do anything about it.  I could not get comfortable at all. They did prescribe me Gabapentin which is a nerve med - worked for a couple of hours and I could only take it twice a day.  I told her with all the morphine I took, I was surprised it didn't touch the pain - she said it wouldn't because it was nerve pain.  The pain was on the right side - it start on my right side of my back, it went down my buttocks, around my the groin area, down my leg to the calf and made my right foot numb.  For grins, my left foot has been numb for years.  I was trying to wear flip flops but could keep them on because of all the numbness.  So I wore slippers - not so cute, but necessary.

So I saw the doc.  They ordered a MRI - which for the SA readers - STRIC stays open until 10 pm at some of their locations.  So a week ago this past Friday (yesterday), I got my MRI at 9 o'clock at night.  Then we could schedule the steroid shots.

So Thursday was the big day - I finally got steroid shots in my back.  The doctor showed me the MRI - I couldn't tell anything but she told me that in my L4 (lower lumbar 4) which had started as a bulging disc has now broken off and is pressing on my back nerves.  I fear that it will float around and play hide and seek with my lower back nerves.  So I got two shots in my back at L4 and L5.  They give you versed and you are out and don't feel a thing.  I started cussing when they moved me to the procedure table.  The doc said "The meds must have started working because she is never like this."  LOL!  I used proper language after that.  And then I was off to la la land. 

I woke up in recovery.  I had to lay on my back for 30 minutes.  They were also giving me a bag of saline - so I had to wait for that to finish too.  I got to the procedure place at 1:15 and was unable to have anything to drink for 8 hours prior to 1:15.  I always cheat because I have severe dry mouth.  I went to the restroom before I got my gown on - cheated there too.  At least in recovery they gave me ice chips.

Mom and I were both wiped out.  We picked up food for the kids on the way home.  Mom went home - we had been gone so long and she needed to get to my stepfather who has severe Alzheimers.  My discharged orders said to lay low for the rest of the day - what a joke with 11 year old triplets.  When I finally went down I was out like a light until Friday night.  I did get the kids off to school and laid back down and was out.  I call those my lost  days.

So after all the whining, my real point is:  I am 44, the last three years have been hell.  I should be at the prime of my life.  I should be working, going out with friends, and in general doing fun things.  I do have a good time the few times I can muster the strength to get out to see friends.  But it takes a toll on me.  I know that God is with me.  I will continue to pray and I appreciate all those that pray for me.

More later -

Three 6th graders

School is in full swing.  I have three 11 year olds who could all be straight A students but only one who chooses to do so.  The other two do their homework, put it in their homework folder and suddenly lose it when it comes time to turn it in.  I have taken things away.  I have put them on restriction and other sorts of punishment to no avail.

What am I doing wrong?  They are so smart.  How do I motivate them?  It is beyond frustrating.

The old back has given out - going for steroid shots tomorrow.  Praying that it takes effect straight away.

Finally, getting the kids to the coast soon.  Hope I can do it on my own.  Keep your fingers crossed.

Happy Wednesday!

More later -

Kelly