Falling Apart

It has been awhile - my life went upside down for a bit.  I knew the stress of it would catch me - I just didn't know when.  Well it happened yesterday - and I was out like a light and couldn't function.  Enough about me.  This is really about some of the most important people in my life.  I would do it again no matter the consequences.

In my last post, I told you what happened to my mother - which in and of itself, can knock me down.  Then when I heard the word stroke, my mind went to the typical massive stroke.  God was watching and helping her - she had two small strokes.  You can't even tell she had a stroke - she does however look very tired and is still healing.  Thank you for the continued prayers.

Well the stress of it got me the last two days.  It really socked me hard in the stomach yesterday.  I barely made it upstairs to make sure everyone was up and getting ready for school.  I was so shaky and scared going up the stairs.  So I stopped and laid down on the playroom couch.  Daniel is usually up first, so when I heard him I asked him to bring me phone.  I dialed my mom - luckily she was awake.  So the wonder woman of Moms (who had recently had two strokes) came right over and took over.

The nurse came over at 8 am.  I was dead to the world - she banged on the door.  I finally got up.  She asked me if I wanted her to take me to the doc.  I said no.  She took my blood and vitals.  Since I was fairly lucid, she let it go and said she would call me later to check on me.  Mom picked up the kids and got them food.  I slept most of the time - but they showered and made it to bed on time.

So after almost 36 hours without meds - stress took over and I slept. I feel human today.  I hate that I am not strong enough to handle all of this. I don't know how my mom did it all when I was really sick for the last 3 years - and what it took from her.  She is truly a blessing.

More later -

Where to Start?

Where to start?  I  was going to tell you a silly story about my daughter and "her boyfriend" of one day.  The boy then went on to have two different girlfriends the following two days.

But - in the scheme of things, that is so trivial.  Last Thursday, I couldn't get in touch with my mom.  This is highly unusual as we typically talk several times a day or at least text.  Since I called so early in the morning, I just figured she was asleep.  I then proceeded with my day.

My day consisted of naps, picking the kids up from school and waiting on the kids' dad to pick them up.  I finally tried a number of times to get in touch with her.  I never did and I got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I drove over there - my mom had been sitting in the same chair for 12 hours.  She had woken up and was trying to get dressed so she could call 911.  I feel awful that I didn't go earlier.  Breaks my heart - she needed help and I wasn't there.  She has been by my side every step of the way with my cancer and the after math.

Her husband was there but he has severe Alzheimer's and couldn't help or take directions from Mom.  She has been in the hospital ever since. She had two small strokes and some other issues.  She is supposed to come home today but it is dependent on her Coumadin levels.

I have been taking care of my stepfather - he has 0 memory recall.  He will ask the same question over and over.  Yesterday, he got mad at me because he thought I had been keeping this all from him even though he had seen her the previous day.  Unfortunately, I had to call my mom at 7 in the morning to have her calm him down.

When we went yesterday, she wrote him a note explaining where she was and why and had him sign it.  My aunt and uncle came down  yesterday and started cleaning mom's house - it is in bad shape to say the least.  They came down to help with that and my mom who is potentially coming today.  Please pray that she does.

My stepfather's daughters are coming down today to help take care of him and continue to clean the house.  I am so looking forward to the help.  I know I shouldn't complain - but this has drained me to the bone.  Rest will take care of that.  As my mom said yesterday, don't take for granted the small things - like going to the restroom, throwing away trash and the things we do all day without thought.  How true that is.

Please pray for my mom and that she is well enough to come home today.  I would greatly appreciate it.

More later -

Wow - already February

Sleep, kids, weekend on, weekend off.  Time just keeps going on.  Feeling kind of funky but otherwise all is ok.  Time keeps ticking.

Tried to have a logical conversation with one of my ten year olds tonight.  Went like this:  I have been getting notes from his teacher almost daily.  Little notes - not the whole picture until Friday. 

Daniel could not find his special composition notebook that was decorated at the beginning of the school year.  I have not taken many pictures - nor printed off school pics from the discs that I have bought for the last 2 to 3 years - pretty much since I got sick.  Needed pics and other stuff to decorate the composition book.  We searched the house, my car and I called my mom to have her check to see if it was there - no luck.  He needs it for a project he is doing at school.  However, we got lucky and found a blank composition book.

Logical conversation:  he said he hadn't seen the original one for about 3 weeks.  I told him we had been down the school supply aisle at HEB at least 5 or 6 times over that 3 weeks and asked him why he never mentioned it.

I asked him to search the house - I helped.  No luck.  We had the responsibility discussion.  I asked him how old he was - answer correct, I asked him how old he was acting like - answer correct.  I asked him where he thought the composition book was.  He responded that he put it in his back pack one day and the next day it was gone but that he personally did not take it out - wrong answer.  I asked if it was there one day and not the next - he said he did not lose it - wrong answer.  I asked him how it magically went missing.  He has no idea - I told him he should know and things just don't go missing.  I asked him if a magic fairy had taken it - he shrugged his shoulders - not the appropriate response.  I took him off the computer here at the house unless he can show up with the original composition book tomorrow.  That kills them all - especially the boys.

Why don't I learn to try not to have a logical discussion with them - it is fruitless.  Enough about that - it just makes me want to beat my head against the wall.

Also tried teaching Sarah how to use a curling iron.  Didn't go very well.  She is sticking to her straightening iron - which she has down.

Family counseling has been going very good.  I am so glad I found the program.

Hope all is well with each and everyone of you.  Thank you so much for the continued prayers.

More later -