Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Eleven Years Ago

Eleven years ago today, my ex-husband and I were trying desperately to get pregnant.  We did 7 cycles of IUI and all ended in failure.  I swore I would never do more than that.  But I was desperate to have a child.

We started the IVF process.  At the time, I was working insane hours.  I was emotionally beat up by all the failures to get pregnant.  But, I was on a mission.

I was doing all the shots that were used to make your body produce as many eggs as possible.  My body created 7 - pretty low number for the process.  They harvested the eggs and introduced the sperm to create the embryos.  After the first day, 2 or 3 of the embryos broke down and were gone.  They called the next morning - 48 hours after creating the embryos and told me to hurry to the office to have the remaining four embryos implanted into my uterus.  One of the four was breaking down but the remaining three looked pretty good.  They typically transfer on day 3 or 5.  But, they wanted them in my uterus asap to hopefully stop the deterioration of the remaining embryos.

Back track one day to 9/11.  I went into work and one of my coworkers said that a plane had hit one of the towers.  I thought she was joking - unfortunately she wasn't.  It paralyzed the office.  We all went up to the boardroom to watch the events unfold on a huge (wall sized) TV.  It was unbelievably sad.  All those lives lost - for what?

So back to 9/12.  I called my ex-husband and told him to haul butt to the fertility clinic as they decided to transfer the embryos into my uterus early.  I remember distinctly lying on the table waiting for the transfer thinking what kind of world I was bringing these children into.

They transferred the four embryos.  The fourth embryo was already breaking down so it probably would not be viable. My chances to get pregnant were like 25% and then of that percentage it was only likely to have one embryo take.  Then the percentages went down from there.

Seven days later, I peed on the pregnancy stick and it was positive!  I think I must have taken at least 10 other pregnancy tests to "just make sure".  We went to the doc appointment a couple of weeks later.  They did a pregnancy test too - positive of course.  Then they did an ultrasound to see how many babies were in the making.  Three heartbeats in their distinct sacs. Thus, the triplets were there!  I was so ecstatic.  I looked back at my ex-husband and he was white as a sheet.

After the ultrasound, we had a meeting with the fertility specialist.  He discussed selective reduction due to it being a high risk pregnancy.  I was upset but didn't let it show - how and why could I decide which baby to take????  Of course, we didn't take that course of action.

Every year, 9/11 and 9/12 conjure so many emotions in me.  Amid all the death, I was giving life to three beautiful children.  Every year, I think about those days.  I remember the next morning calling my sister.  We were laughing and crying about having triplets!

I feel so fortunate for all the brave souls who died that day and all those who worked tirelessly trying to find survivors among the wreckage.  I also feel fortunate for the three little beings that my ex-husband and I created.  Miracles as well as sadness all around me.

More later -

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