Sunday, October 28, 2012

Doesn't Take Much

Yesterday, with the help of my mom, we went to the mall to get the kids all outfitted for cooler weather.  Couldn't have done it without my mom (as always).  It took about three hours - way much more than I can handle these days.  Used my left arm too much and arthritis hit my left shoulder hard - so I was hitting the steroids. Finally got it semi-comfortable to where I could kinda use it.  Better today - but still hurts and my hands ache especially the right.  Trying to stay away from the steroids because I have to take high doses and it only adds to my aggravation.  Add to that - things have been really rough for the last couple of months too.  Time for a storm warning!

When I get to this point I do two things:  cry and get more upset with the kids when I ask them to do something and they haven't done it by the third time I have asked them to do something.  In all honestly, I blow my top.  Not fair to the kids - they are just kids.  Yes, they are ten, but still don't deserve my wrath when I get that down.

If I call my mom, I am usually crying by the time she answers the phone and can't understand a word I am saying!  This has happened more times than I can count.  Funny when you are not in the middle of a melt down.  We do laugh about it sometimes.  She just waits on the phone while I try to squeak out what the issue is.

Today, we went through Sarah's clothes to put them away.  Her belts were too small, she wanted a light jacket, we were one pair short of the 7 pairs of pants I buy them, and she wanted to exchange a cute sweater dress.  I called Mom to the rescue.  She came over and adjusted the waistbands on the boy's jeans.  Sarah and I ran to James Avery to get her bracelet fixed and then to JcPenney to fix all the clothing issues.  Then she begged her way into going to Bath and Body works.  The problem with that is that she smells everything and takes so long that I get to the point that I start counting to three (doesn't work all that great).

Point is that I don't always handle all the pain, chaos, outpatient procedures, raising triplets, my illnesses or the pain very well.  I try to take deep breaths.  But the one thing that I don't do is that I need to stop the madness and hand it over to God.  He is my ticket out of the hurt, pain and all I'm going through .  I also need to stop everything I am doing, take pain meds to address the pain issues and rest for awhile or even the rest of the day.  Because when I get to this point, I am way more useless to everyone even more so than a regular day.

I do not even ask "Why me" anymore,  it just is.  I can't even imagine when people who are way more worse off than I am handle it all.

God, I will be knocking on your door way more often!  Thanks to all my prayer warriors  out there - your support and prayers are so appreciated.

More later -

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