About 10 minutes after I posted last night

My daughter wanted "special" lotion like from Bath and Body Works.  I talked her out of it thinking I had some at home.  She had just gotten out of the shower.  I was in the small closet I use for linens and other stuff.  Not a big space and the floor was covered in misc. items.

I felt myself going down.  I fell against the wall.  Nothing that hurt too much but still.  I am grateful my mom got me the "Fallen and I can't get up" button that I wear around my neck but did not need it in this situation.  But I needed space to get on my knees to get up - arthritis damage issues.  While Sarah was scared, she was so sweet and held it together.  She offered to help me get up - she weighs about 60 pounds soaking wet.  I smiled and told her kindly no.

So I had to scoot on my hinney out of there to get to the bathroom area which has much more space and I was finally able to get up.  I stopped, I was a little peeved becasue of the day I had had.  Then turned it over to God as I promised myself I would.  No big injuries - that is the big thing. 

More later -

Doesn't Take Much

Yesterday, with the help of my mom, we went to the mall to get the kids all outfitted for cooler weather.  Couldn't have done it without my mom (as always).  It took about three hours - way much more than I can handle these days.  Used my left arm too much and arthritis hit my left shoulder hard - so I was hitting the steroids. Finally got it semi-comfortable to where I could kinda use it.  Better today - but still hurts and my hands ache especially the right.  Trying to stay away from the steroids because I have to take high doses and it only adds to my aggravation.  Add to that - things have been really rough for the last couple of months too.  Time for a storm warning!

When I get to this point I do two things:  cry and get more upset with the kids when I ask them to do something and they haven't done it by the third time I have asked them to do something.  In all honestly, I blow my top.  Not fair to the kids - they are just kids.  Yes, they are ten, but still don't deserve my wrath when I get that down.

If I call my mom, I am usually crying by the time she answers the phone and can't understand a word I am saying!  This has happened more times than I can count.  Funny when you are not in the middle of a melt down.  We do laugh about it sometimes.  She just waits on the phone while I try to squeak out what the issue is.

Today, we went through Sarah's clothes to put them away.  Her belts were too small, she wanted a light jacket, we were one pair short of the 7 pairs of pants I buy them, and she wanted to exchange a cute sweater dress.  I called Mom to the rescue.  She came over and adjusted the waistbands on the boy's jeans.  Sarah and I ran to James Avery to get her bracelet fixed and then to JcPenney to fix all the clothing issues.  Then she begged her way into going to Bath and Body works.  The problem with that is that she smells everything and takes so long that I get to the point that I start counting to three (doesn't work all that great).

Point is that I don't always handle all the pain, chaos, outpatient procedures, raising triplets, my illnesses or the pain very well.  I try to take deep breaths.  But the one thing that I don't do is that I need to stop the madness and hand it over to God.  He is my ticket out of the hurt, pain and all I'm going through .  I also need to stop everything I am doing, take pain meds to address the pain issues and rest for awhile or even the rest of the day.  Because when I get to this point, I am way more useless to everyone even more so than a regular day.

I do not even ask "Why me" anymore,  it just is.  I can't even imagine when people who are way more worse off than I am handle it all.

God, I will be knocking on your door way more often!  Thanks to all my prayer warriors  out there - your support and prayers are so appreciated.

More later -

Follow up from latest Oncolgist appoinment - Not Good

Just got a call from one of the nurses from my oncologist appointment.  Pap smear came back with severe grade dysplasia.  This will require an outpatient procedure at North Central Baptist. I hate this.  I already don't feel great - and the procedure will knock me back a couple of notches.  Hate, hate, hate frick-frak cancer.

I will keep you posted.  The procedure is scheduled for 11/13/12.


Thanks for all my prayer warriors.

Pay it forward

This was on another blog I follow.  If you can, please pay it forward - you never know when you will need the kindness of strangers.  Click on the link and press shift at the same time.  It will bring up a link. Click on link and it should take it to a place where you can donate.

[CHARITY] Signal boost

Three years ago, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 tongue cancer. TONGUE cancer. For a non-smoker, this was quite the blow and because of intense radiation to my mouth and jaw area, I lost my teeth.

I need to raise $65,000 because dentures and implants aren’t covered by Medicaid OR Medicare.
INDIEGOGO fundraiser is here.
GIVEFORWARD fundraiser is here.

Please pass them along. Please tell everyone you know. Put these links on twitter, tumblr, facebook, plurk, wherever. I’d really, really appreciate it.
If you can donate, thank you so much. Every dollar is a dollar more than I had before. If you can’t, know that I appreciate all good thoughts that come my way. Please reblog my post anyway?

Thank you all (I love my fandom friends so much) for your continued support.
PS: Tagging this obnoxiously for the signal boost.
PPS: If you have ANY questions, send me an ask. I have no problems sharing my story/answering questions about my story.

Feeling Crappy

I posted this to Face Book yesterday.  Thought I would post it here to let those who read my blog what's been going on.  Nothing fun. :(

I have really feeling crappy for the last couple of months. I went back to my internist today and my pain doc the day before and changed up some of the pain meds.

The internist likened the amount of pain meds I am on is what they give hospice patients for palliative care. Wow - that blew my mind. I am just using them to survive without severe pain. Then a couple of weeks ago when I went to the ER doc, he asked if my skin is always this color: grey! This all stinks - just asking for a little bit of normal. Is that too much to ask?

I  guess this is my new normal.

More later -

The Big Spill Part 2

I went to the orthopedist today for a check up on my right arm.  Lots of bone growth! 

BUT - due to the big spill, I have a hairline fracture in my right hand and there is a tender spot on right arm break.  So after 4 months after the initial break, I get to wear the arm cast for another 6 weeks.  There is nothing to be done about the hand - no big deal it is just really tender.

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After Oncologist

Went to my appointment yesterday.  Just did a pap smear and vinegar test.  The vinegar test lights up areas of concern.  Besides hurting like heck (need/have to do my stretching exercises!!!), it went okay as I started climbing up the table to get away from the pain.  I will find out the results of the pap next week.  I do not have to go back for 4 months - YAY!

I will keep you posted on pap results.  Thanks for the prayers and support.  Please pray that I get past my mental block on stretching and will get it going again - it will hurt in the short term but will help so much in the long run.

More later -

Oncologist today

Ugh, yuck, no fun, pain- that about sums it up.

More later -

PS - this is my 100th post - sorry no prizes!

The Big Spill

You just never know how exciting my life is until I take a big spill.  At least this time I landed on the carpet.  I had taken one of the muscle relaxants my doc had prescribed in combination with all my other meds.  I don't think they liked each other a lot.

I got up and went upstairs to check on the kids.  I stumbled on the steps some but was able to right myself.  I went back down stairs and was going to fill up my cup with diet coke.  As I picked my cup up and turned around, I knew I was going down.  Landed on my right side between a big chair and a side table.  Hurt my hand and wrist the most and jammed my upper arm break a little.  Glad the brace was on.

My mom had gotten me "I have fallen and can't get up" systems that I typically wear  around my neck.  I had taken it off when we went to the ER on Sunday.  I put it back on tonight.  Don't think anything is broken just hurts like heck.

Never know what will happen next around here.

More later -

What the heck?

It has been a rough recovery road.  I have had a nasty cold or something for the last 6 to 8 weeks.  Finally started taking Mucinex - helped my nose but not my lungs.  Sunday afternoon, my right side upper back ribs hurt like heck anytime I breathed deeply or coughed.  Yes it was the weekend, but I went to the ER anyhow (I am not a huge fan of ER visits on the weekends IE didn't go when I had 105.5 temp and sepsis and about killed myself). 

So when it hurt at a level 10 on a scale of 1-10, I gave in and went to the ER.  I was worried I had walking pneumonia etc.  So of course, I decided to take the cautious road and went to the ER.  They couldn't find anything.  Great way to waste $250.  So I went to my primary doc today.  He said something about my muscles are messed up too from all the rest of the stuff I have endured.  I should have asked for more of an explanation - but didn't.  I will next time.  He thinks it is a very tightly strained muscle from all the coughing.

For the last two months, I have been fighting when the insurance companies are not notified that I am still eligible for insurance after my checking account is swept for my COBRA payment.  Somehow, it has been screwed up.  So my docs and pharmacy think I don't have insurance.  Whole other hassling issue for another time.

So I couldn't get my meds.  Paid $150 instead of $30 for a doc appointment.  Blah, blah, blah.  Monday - I was dead to the world.  But, did not get enough sleep (I know - what?????)  Hoping tomorrow is a good rest day.  I need it and need it badly.

Went to a different head doc and guess what he suggested:  Redefining my life with all the twist and turns of the last two years.  Big surprise!  Somebody explain this to me - I went from Point A to Point B without any choice.  I mostly deal with it well but some days not so much.  Maybe he can make it easy on me and give me a better road map.

More later -