Pain Management Doc Appointment

Hi All -

Just a short post.  I went to the doc yesterday, they told me my color has come back to my skin and I don't look grey anymore.  I will take it.  That is the second doctor that has told me that.  I really think it is due to no hospital stays, no broken arm, no procedures to cut away more dangerous tissue in the last 8-9 months.  I really have had a long run of time to heal - what a blessing.

We so take advantage of our health - even me.  I have had a good long run without any major crisis and I am so grateful.

Also while I was at the doc, she said she had been laid out by some type of sinus infection and had taken to bed all day.  She thought as she laid there, feeling sorry for herself, of all the patients she sees who have tough illnesses and what a big baby she was being.

I often hear this.  Someone comparing their small illness to my big illness.  I told her that it was okay to not feel good and feel sorry for herself due to it.  It is the bags we carry.  Some are small, some are big and some are extremely deadly.  It is just a bag and how we react to it.  I told her not to feel bad about it and not compare one bag to another's bag.  We are all different and get dealt a different set of cards.  I feel no animosity about it. 

It is just the way we carry our loads.

More later -

Surviving Spring Break

This last week was Spring Break.  Unfortunately my children do not know how to entertain their selves all the time.  For the last three nights of it, I had 4 kids in my house - you say what's the big deal you already have three?  Add in another girl and the decibel level in the house goes wayyyyy up.
But they had fun - that is the point.

Yesterday was the triplets birthday.  Hard to believe the years have flown so quickly - 11 years.  I went through the IVF process and I remember it start to finish as if it were yesterday.  Happy Birthday Daniel, Sarah and Matthew.  It is funny how I always put their names in birth order.

I am going to go get my last three filings today.  Can't wait.  My health has seemed to level off.  The fatigue is still a bug-a-boo and hits me at inappropriate times.  Since I change up the meds, I haven't fallen - so grateful for that.  Thanks for all the continued prayers.

More later -

A week in review

Wow - what a week.  I take a lot of meds - most of them have a side effect of making you sleepy.  So in the middle of the night when I get up, I fall or slam into walls.  Fun stuff.  That was one of the reasons I went to the dentist.  I had slammed my body up against the left side of my body and had a huge left chin bump - swollen and red.  Chin a ok but 6 cavity fillings to come.  I had three earlier this week and will have the next three next week.

I took another bad fall early Tuesday morning about two am.  I was trying to make it  back to the couch - yes, I was  using my walker.  I missed the couch and went to the floor hard.  I just happened to have an appointment I made with my primary physician.  My ribs HURT.  We did a couple of things.  Cut down one med.  He looked at my last results and he did not like my kidney function results plus I had gained 10 pounds in a very short time.  When you gain more than 5 pounds while on a feed bag it is concerning - it means your body is not functioning well in absorbing the TPN.  So between my weight gain and my kidney results, he took me off the feed bag and put me on Lasik (makes you pee all your extra fluid retention out).  So I had a three day vacay from TPN (it was nice to not have to hook up) and peed a lot.  I lost 11 pounds in three days - so now I am off the Lasik.  And lastly, I had a chest x-ray and all was well - nothing broken.

I saw my psychiatrist Friday.  We stuck with the cut down in one med and went up on another.  It is an anti-depressant approved for bipolar patients.  If you give just regular anti-depressants to a bi-polar patient, it typically makes them very manic - when this happens to me I don't sleep well and I spend tons of money (that I do not have).  So we will see what the increase in the med does.  I will let you know.

Kids are on spring break - yay!  Nice thing is not getting up at 6 am to make sure they get ready and take them to school.  Bad thing is - the constant fighting.  Just had to diffuse one. We will see how it goes.

Hope your Spring Break, if applicable, is a good one. 

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What do teeth have to due with Cancer???

It really is just another side effect.  Due to my being fed through the feed bag, I do not eat foods that provide fluids our bodies need.  Yes, I drink diet coke all day - but it is not enough.  The dentist said water won't help either.  My mouth feels dry all day long.  He gave me some Biotene mouth rinse with so I will try it.  I wake to go to the bathroom at night I first have to have something I can drink before any thing else.

I went to the dentist this last week because the left side of my chin was swollen and red - and it hurt like heck.  After I had made the appointment, I noticed a red sore spot on my left clavicle.  So you ask, what does this all affect my teeth.  I am getting there. At night when I have had all my meds, I don't walk so great.  I recalled slamming into the wall - thus the soreness on my chin and clavicle.  I now use my walker at night - it has helped some.  Only problem with it is that it does not fit into the guest bathroom.  For example, I went to sit down and my back hit the lid of the toilet all the way down - hurt.

But I went anyhow - just in case.  Jaw was good.  Teeth not so good.  One of the side effects of not being able to eat, is I get dry mouth.  Thus the connection.  If there is a side effect, I will get it (I know I have said this before but it is so true).  The dryness causes cavities.  I haven't had a cavity for so long - I can't even remember.  So I have 6 cavities that need work - one of the six needs a crown.  Really???  What's next?

More later -

Falling Apart

It has been awhile - my life went upside down for a bit.  I knew the stress of it would catch me - I just didn't know when.  Well it happened yesterday - and I was out like a light and couldn't function.  Enough about me.  This is really about some of the most important people in my life.  I would do it again no matter the consequences.

In my last post, I told you what happened to my mother - which in and of itself, can knock me down.  Then when I heard the word stroke, my mind went to the typical massive stroke.  God was watching and helping her - she had two small strokes.  You can't even tell she had a stroke - she does however look very tired and is still healing.  Thank you for the continued prayers.

Well the stress of it got me the last two days.  It really socked me hard in the stomach yesterday.  I barely made it upstairs to make sure everyone was up and getting ready for school.  I was so shaky and scared going up the stairs.  So I stopped and laid down on the playroom couch.  Daniel is usually up first, so when I heard him I asked him to bring me phone.  I dialed my mom - luckily she was awake.  So the wonder woman of Moms (who had recently had two strokes) came right over and took over.

The nurse came over at 8 am.  I was dead to the world - she banged on the door.  I finally got up.  She asked me if I wanted her to take me to the doc.  I said no.  She took my blood and vitals.  Since I was fairly lucid, she let it go and said she would call me later to check on me.  Mom picked up the kids and got them food.  I slept most of the time - but they showered and made it to bed on time.

So after almost 36 hours without meds - stress took over and I slept. I feel human today.  I hate that I am not strong enough to handle all of this. I don't know how my mom did it all when I was really sick for the last 3 years - and what it took from her.  She is truly a blessing.

More later -

Where to Start?

Where to start?  I  was going to tell you a silly story about my daughter and "her boyfriend" of one day.  The boy then went on to have two different girlfriends the following two days.

But - in the scheme of things, that is so trivial.  Last Thursday, I couldn't get in touch with my mom.  This is highly unusual as we typically talk several times a day or at least text.  Since I called so early in the morning, I just figured she was asleep.  I then proceeded with my day.

My day consisted of naps, picking the kids up from school and waiting on the kids' dad to pick them up.  I finally tried a number of times to get in touch with her.  I never did and I got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I drove over there - my mom had been sitting in the same chair for 12 hours.  She had woken up and was trying to get dressed so she could call 911.  I feel awful that I didn't go earlier.  Breaks my heart - she needed help and I wasn't there.  She has been by my side every step of the way with my cancer and the after math.

Her husband was there but he has severe Alzheimer's and couldn't help or take directions from Mom.  She has been in the hospital ever since. She had two small strokes and some other issues.  She is supposed to come home today but it is dependent on her Coumadin levels.

I have been taking care of my stepfather - he has 0 memory recall.  He will ask the same question over and over.  Yesterday, he got mad at me because he thought I had been keeping this all from him even though he had seen her the previous day.  Unfortunately, I had to call my mom at 7 in the morning to have her calm him down.

When we went yesterday, she wrote him a note explaining where she was and why and had him sign it.  My aunt and uncle came down  yesterday and started cleaning mom's house - it is in bad shape to say the least.  They came down to help with that and my mom who is potentially coming today.  Please pray that she does.

My stepfather's daughters are coming down today to help take care of him and continue to clean the house.  I am so looking forward to the help.  I know I shouldn't complain - but this has drained me to the bone.  Rest will take care of that.  As my mom said yesterday, don't take for granted the small things - like going to the restroom, throwing away trash and the things we do all day without thought.  How true that is.

Please pray for my mom and that she is well enough to come home today.  I would greatly appreciate it.

More later -

Wow - already February

Sleep, kids, weekend on, weekend off.  Time just keeps going on.  Feeling kind of funky but otherwise all is ok.  Time keeps ticking.

Tried to have a logical conversation with one of my ten year olds tonight.  Went like this:  I have been getting notes from his teacher almost daily.  Little notes - not the whole picture until Friday. 

Daniel could not find his special composition notebook that was decorated at the beginning of the school year.  I have not taken many pictures - nor printed off school pics from the discs that I have bought for the last 2 to 3 years - pretty much since I got sick.  Needed pics and other stuff to decorate the composition book.  We searched the house, my car and I called my mom to have her check to see if it was there - no luck.  He needs it for a project he is doing at school.  However, we got lucky and found a blank composition book.

Logical conversation:  he said he hadn't seen the original one for about 3 weeks.  I told him we had been down the school supply aisle at HEB at least 5 or 6 times over that 3 weeks and asked him why he never mentioned it.

I asked him to search the house - I helped.  No luck.  We had the responsibility discussion.  I asked him how old he was - answer correct, I asked him how old he was acting like - answer correct.  I asked him where he thought the composition book was.  He responded that he put it in his back pack one day and the next day it was gone but that he personally did not take it out - wrong answer.  I asked if it was there one day and not the next - he said he did not lose it - wrong answer.  I asked him how it magically went missing.  He has no idea - I told him he should know and things just don't go missing.  I asked him if a magic fairy had taken it - he shrugged his shoulders - not the appropriate response.  I took him off the computer here at the house unless he can show up with the original composition book tomorrow.  That kills them all - especially the boys.

Why don't I learn to try not to have a logical discussion with them - it is fruitless.  Enough about that - it just makes me want to beat my head against the wall.

Also tried teaching Sarah how to use a curling iron.  Didn't go very well.  She is sticking to her straightening iron - which she has down.

Family counseling has been going very good.  I am so glad I found the program.

Hope all is well with each and everyone of you.  Thank you so much for the continued prayers.

More later -